Productivity and Genius

This year is just going by too fast. Maybe it’s the fact that I celebrated 21 years on Earth this year,  or the fact that I am drifting through creative waters, but either way, I wish things would slow down. Days pass, weeks merge, and I find the months are flying off the calendar faster than I would like. But, from all this, I am finding my own productive rhythm. My art has been improving, and through my love of Star Trek, I am finding friends on DeviantArt. Exposure is always a good thing, and I for one, will never look a gift horse in the mouth.

And through this time, I am renewed to pursue my own projects…as varied as they may be.

Wish me luck!

Age of Reality

Life is all about growth. As children, we long to be “grown up”, but it’s always to attain the unattainable. To be old enough to drive, to date, to vote, to drink. But what we never consider as kids is the dark side that  comes with all the good. The need for money, a steady job, the balance between work and play, a career to sustain ourselves.

And, we now live in an uncertain time. Who, as a child, ever thought they would live in such dark days? I can say that I certainly didn’t. But, because I am an adult in this ever changing world, I am still scared at times. Scared for what the future holds, and what this world is coming to. I have never felt powerless, but I do feel discouraged.

But, I am not going to give up. That’s just not in my nature, and it’s not what I believe in. Things will get better. They always do. Nothing is ever stuck as it is, but it takes determination and strength to weather this storm. And I will survive. Sure, times are tough financially. I have worried about it, but wringing my hands in fear isn’t going to make things better. I am the only one who can make things change for myself, and I take it one day at a time.

If only everyone could adopt that mindset, well then, we wouldn’t be in such bad shape. And who knows, things could change enough to where people do begin to think like that. To want to change their own fate. To control their futures instead of fearing their present.

Calling it quits

I quit my job at the restaurant after a significant loss of my hours. Plus, the time had come to move on and cut my losses. Although I loved working there, the personality differences had made it near impossible to continue on with no hope of advancement. It pained me to leave, but it would have killed me to stay.

Let’s hope that my next stop on the career path is a little more pleasant and lasting. But who am I to know what tomorrow holds?

Like a Dixieland Band

[edit] – August 12, 2008

After speaking to Johnnie last night for the better part of two hours, I am happy to say that we are on the same page. He admitted to not going out of his way to speak to me, but only because he was afraid that it would end poorly. I was afraid that his not calling me back was indicative of the same thing.

So, when we did talk, we found that we both wanted to just be friends. To actually be friends, something that we never did, and will hopefully finally have the opportunity to do. And, despite everything else I had been feeling, I am really happy that it ended this way.

Go ahead, call me Hollywood.

Everyone’s had that day. That ONE special, grand-slam, have the world on a string sort of day. When you feel like a million bucks, look like a movie star, and know, without a doubt, things are going to go your way.

Yesterday was that day. See, I have recently had my life saved. Well, truth be told, it was never in any real, life threatening danger, but still, its the principal of the matter. I had developed an abscess in the tonsillar (?) column, and it was putting tremendous pressure on both my voice (very bad thing for me), and causing me a lot of pain. And I have been suffering from this for about a month, give or take.

Well, Friday, I had an appointment with an ENT (ear, nose, throat) specialist, and well, damn, I didn’t realize McDreamy was a real person. Lawd! I felt my knees go weak, so thankfully I was already sitting. But, he knew right away what was wrong with me, and within minutes had my mouth open, ready to be healed. And how! After all the really nasty abscess-y stuff was removed, the difference was immediately evident, and I was amazed. And in love. Damn.

So needless to say, I am eagerly awaiting the follow-up appointment with Dr. McGorgeous (as he will now be known), and I suppose that I will just see where this goes. It was interesting to note though, that regardless of the circumstance that brought me into his office, there was a slight ping on his part. He had noticed where I work, and asked which store I called home. But the point of his story seemed to only be to let me know that he had hired our patio singer (not from my store) for a private party he had held at his home. Interesting. I thought so, and I let him know it. Why tell me this seemingly irrelevant story? I mean, it doesn’t matter which store I work at now does it? And yes, I suppose that he was just making small talk, but after watching how he interacted with everyone else in that office, both patient and staff alike, I would have to beg to differ. So, yeah, I might be looking into it a little. But with just reason. Good luck to me, and hey, if I am wrong about the ping, well, I will be the first to admit it.

Yet, there is a point to this rambling. After I had been healed, I was able to return to work yesterday. And I wanted it to be a glorious return. That sort of day that you dream about. So after much primping and dressing and getting ready, I made my wonderful entrance, and just, wowed. I know my job, and when I feel great, I nail it. There is no one better, and it makes for one hell of a great night. The only setback was the fact that I had to work with my newly entitled Ex-boyfriend, which was only slightly awkward, and very completely confusing. But that is another story for another day, because to be quite honest, I am still scratching my head as to where we stand on that issue.

But, bottom line is this. To look good, feel great, and know that tomorrow is holding bright new things for you is a great thing. It’s a marvelous feeling that has no equal. Since Friday, my life has quite literally been changed, and I have entered into this amazing new mindset. And yeah, a lot of it has to do with the doctor. He rattled the cage of my world, and, quite frankly, I needed it. So I do plan to see where that could possibly lead, but if it’s a dead end, I am at least of the mind to accept it, step back, re-evaluate, and move forward again, full steam ahead.

***

And that is my great moral of the day. That regardless if where you stand today, know that tomorrow is a mystery. One that you can either make a positive experience, a life rocking time, or one that will leave you feeling drained and hopeless about the days to come. And when it’s said like that, is the choice that hard to make?

Ciao friends. Make tomorrow your day.

We’re not in Kansas anymore

It is hard to imagine that I last wrote here almost one month ago, to the day.

But, when we let life get in the way, and allow no time for reflection, things like that tend to happen. July took with it two friends that no longer work at the restaurant (good luck to them in their endeavors), and the newness of my relationship with Johnnie.

That is not entirely a bad thing though. Both of the friends that left had created such a negative void at the restaurant that their absence has felt like a breath of fresh air. And as for Johnnie, well, life shows us sometimes that there is a time for everything. We had our month of fun, and now, reality set in and showed us our differences in the light of day.

And, with the advent of a new month, there is always a sign of new possibilities. I am being trained as a bartender now, school is starting again this month, and I have made a new friend that might just possibly turn into a really good thing.

So, out with the old and in with the new as the saying goes. Let’s see what August can throw at me.

4th of July Extravaganza!

So this is the first Fourth of July that I pretty much did next to nothing. Granted, it was exceptionally hot all day, and I did get to finally see WALL-E, but other than that, there was nothing making this an exceptional Fourth.

That is, until the evening. I got together with Johnnie, and my best friend Triana, her little sister (who’s visiting from OH), and my other friend Josh. We decided to all meet up at the local ballpark (PSC) and watch their firework show. It wasn’t much, but with admission at $5.00 a head, we were expecting a little more than what greeted us there.

But, at least there was fun to be had. The wind was howling and there were monsoon clouds creeping up the horizon, making it a very iffy firework show at best. The weather held out though, and sure enough, when 9:15 rolled around, up went the fireworks.

Johnnie and me

Fireworks. Pretty.

Collision

Early this morning in Glendale, AZ there was a terrible car accident. The driver lost control of the car, jumped the median and slammed into a pine tree with so much force, it snapped the tree at the base. It’s a miracle that the man is still alive, although with a severe concussion, broken neck, and ribs, it isn’t exactly what I would call ideal health.

That man was my boss. And hearing about the accident is not exactly what you want to hear right when you show up for work in the morning. Sadly, this entire day has had a surreal quality to it. Like at any moment I am waiting for someone to say, “Just kidding guys. The boss will be back after the holiday.” But with each minute that passes by, that window of opportunity is closing, and was finally shut when I saw the video of the crash on the computer. And when I read the news article. And when I spoke to my boss’ wife.

As I write this, he is still in critical condition. I am praying fervently that he pulls through with his trooper spirit and starts his long road to recovery. But each hour that passes without any news finds my nerves just a little more on edge.

If you are interested in reading the full story, it can be found here.

This is what’s left of the tree he hit.

This is the accident scene after it happened.

The car.

It really is a miracle that he is still alive, and only time will tell how the accident really happened. I can only pray that he pulls out of this well, and quickly. He is a wonderful man to work for, and it is such a tragedy that this happened right before the holiday.

Cinnabon Quarrels

Tonight my mother and I met my uncle out at the Chandler Fashion Mall. He has had a really rough time at work lately, so we didn’t mind making the drive out there, and once we did, we of course ended up at the food court to grab some dinner.

We opted for Hot Dog on a Stick, which will always remind me of sunny days spent at California malls, and hot September days at the L.A. County Fair.

Oh, and when did they change the logo? I don’t recall this scary girl being on all the merchandise! I think I much prefer the Muscle Beach character, for all his stick figure arms and creepy smile. He was like a weird uncle you just get used to having around…and I miss him.

But anyway, after we ate, my uncle was feeling just a little down, so I naturally suggested a sweet to make him feel better. Well, he insisted on getting Cinnabon, which is like his favorite mall dessert…not that he has met one that he hasn’t liked.

So I went and bought two, one for me and my mom, one for him. But, being the people we are, my mother instantly started harping on him to only eat half, which to her is a reasonable request, but to my uncle, that is the equivalent of asking him to eat his own liver. It simply is not suggested that he willfully only eat half of his dessert, and stop eating before he is completely stuffed. Naturally, he refuses, and thus, the Great Cinnabon Battle began.

Yes, that would be my mother’s disembodied hand at the bottom, trying in vain to steal the Cinnabon. You think she would learn that resistance is futile.

Out comes the weapons.

Aaannnddd…things get ugly.

Most notably, my dear uncle’s stubborn child face. Classic.

Reclaiming his territory.

Accepting defeat.

This is how it always ends. He gets his dessert, and my mother is left to huff in disgust. Its really amusing to just sit and enjoy the show.

Not a gracious winner.

The aftermath.

His exact words…”I think I’m going to be sick.”

And people wonder why I love my family. Being with them is like watching the Seinfeld crew, its just magic, and they truly cannot write it better than how life plays it out naturally.

Good times.

Oh Johnnie!

Today is my mother’s birthday.

Because I have to work tonight, I thought I would take her out to lunch at her favorite restaurant…which I happen to work at.

So, after leaving the house late, we finally make it to lunch, and request to sit with my boyfriend Johnnie. Now the manager on duty has butted heads with dear ol’ Johnnie, so I am not expecting him to comply, yet surprisingly, he does. Today this manager is all smiles and “How are yous?”, and its unnerving to say the least. But hey, maybe the boys had a chat and worked it all out. Who knows.

Now Johnnie and I have managed to keep our relationship under wraps for about a month now, and thankfully it has stayed that way. Not that we are trying to hide it…but there are certain characters that I would like to keep in the dark. Well, not so today. As soon as he comes to the table, Johnnie’s giving my mother and I kisses and the whole thing just reeks of a Norman Rockwell moment. And I want to be upset about the PDA, but deep down, I can’t help but admit that I was smitten with his behavior and attention.

We order, and everything is just peachy, until he spills my side of dressing on his hand and begins to flick it off…all over my poor mother. At this point, I am waiting for him to realize what he is doing, and my mom is just sitting there getting rained on, but it took a moment. And in his defense, he was nervous…but it was the funniest and most random thing to happen, and all on her birthday to boot.

Needless to say, he felt terrible. Even though it wasn’t a big deal, we all laughed about it, and good natured ribbing ensued. My other manager was nice enough to come over and chat my mom up for a while, and it was perfect timing as a decoy for Johnnie to sneak my mom’s cake to the table.

Of course though, even that went wrong. We usually always order this chocolate mascarpone cake with raspberries and Johnnie ordered it with raspberries. But for some reason or another, to the Mexican guys working the line, raspberries and strawberries look alike, and the cake came out with strawberries slathered all over it. True, it was a ‘had to be there’ moment, but it was the icing on the proverbial cake for the perfect screwed up birthday lunch.

The cool thing is that my mom likes stuff like that, and is a firm believer that when things go wrong they make for more interesting stories, so we are all looking forward to sharing this at the next barbecue. And as an added plus, Johnnie and I at least got to see each other today, and have a little fun time in the process. Which only strengthens my belief in the fact that its not what you do, its truly who you do it with. Today was just an ordinary lunch…until you put the three of us in the mix together, and then it became an extraordinary birthday lunch extravaganza!

Happy Birthday Mom!